we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
