I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
