Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
