Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
