Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
