mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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