my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found puke in my bra..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
