A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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