omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
