I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
