I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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