Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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