Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
