in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
