yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
