Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
