I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
