I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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