I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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