i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
