Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
