im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
