I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
