If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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