Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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