Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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