Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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