someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
too bad you live with your parents still
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
