remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
