I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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