I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's get the cat blown out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
