Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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