I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
