The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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