It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
