Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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