can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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