YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she peed on how many people?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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