We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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