Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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