did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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