Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
