If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
