I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
