I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
