i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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