The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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