We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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