Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
