i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
