I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
