I seem to have left my pride at pride
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
