I wish my penis had an off switch
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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